The Magic Number 2

Teeooooooowwwww weeeeeeeekks Twwwwooooooo weeeeeeeks. I just can't seem to say this phrase without prolonging each vowel and imagining the need to rip my big fat rubbery face off.

Funnily enough this is actually a pretty good metaphor for the coming two weeks. I can already feel every second being painfully drawn out. Every hour at work seems longer than the last. Every day seems as though it began a month ago. And I live, every moment, in fear of being unmasked as the fraud I am - the one who has managed to wing her way through the year so far. Now if I could just make it through these two weeks to the holiday ahead before everything shuts down and I run out of oxygen like Quaid at the end of this movie.

Ok, so maybe it's not quite as dire as being asphyxiated or having to pull a golfball out of my brain through my nostril, but I am noticing a small downward trend in my overall enthusiasm. For example, my mini new-year fitness regime has been reduced to "if it can't be delivered it's not going in my belly." Which sounds like a great diet yeah? But with the wonders of modern technology and having given birth to my own personal slave nearly 12 years ago just so I could be lazy at this particular point in my life - let's just say I am not going hungry.

Tonight was a good example of that. The child slave went out for the night. I ordered in pizza. But I ordered online. Where all the deals come out and entice you in. Before I knew it I had a whole family sized meal (justified by the fact that I would eat it for lunch the next day). But while we're talking about justifying. I also justified that since my family consists of two people, there was nothing wrong with eating half of a family sized meal, as I am, in fact, half of this family...

I just hope I don't keep that up for the entire two weeks. I mean I've always wanted to be twice the woman I am, but not quite like that. And at this rate I will definitely have put on two times what I lost in the whole year in this measly two weeks.

Now I hear you saying "this number two doesn't sound very magic to me." But here are all the good ways the number two is going to make all those past twos seem like nothing:

* only two more long meetings with my worst clients;

* only two more mini meetings with my worst clients;

* two fun days out of the work place; then...

* not only two weeks holiday,

* two weeks of comedy festival living

* two weeks of child free fun... but also

* an extra two added public holidays before I have to head back to work!!

I just hope I can make it...