Choofa90

It's midnight on a Saturday. I'm in a smokin hot red dress just like the faux Columbian me from last post. And I'm sitting on the couch eating hot chips with one hand and blogging with the other. Yes. It has come to this. Dinner with people twice my age, sober to drive, home before midnight.

But there is an upside to this story. And it comes in the form of 80's/90's sitcom re-runs. I can't explain it but I get this lovely warm and fuzzy feeling in the memory of boofy hair do's, shoulder pads, and kids allowed in the bar. I think it's because I grew up with all these shows and these are the people I aspired to emulate. Like the cute naive bubbly girl who lives alone and takes in a crazy guy to train and mould like a child she can't be bothered giving birth to. Nanoo Nanoo. Or to be a local of a pub, where everyone knows my name, and drinking in the middle of the day is not a sin. But, the show that influenced me the most was a show with much higher standards...

Roseanne. Everyone's favourite psychopathic mother. I have a feeling my sole reason for having a child may have been to see if I could be as cool as Roseanne. So far, I have managed to get the scream down pat. "Deeeee jayyyyyy" (not that I have a kid called DJ, but I did use similar vowel sounds when naming my child - possibly another subconscious TV driven decision). In fact, the only way I differ from Roseanne in the mothering department would be that I learnt the line: "Birth control that really works: every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids," before having a second child!

But it wasn't just that crazy loud mouthed character that formed a part of my psyche. As I rewatch the show (from a much different perspective) I realise I have taken aspects from everyone's lives. The dark, brooding teenager, Darleen. The desire to be with a guy named Mark, taken from Becky's influences. The confusion in the thought that I called the lesbian card on the Aunt for five years before they finally introduced a gay character and it turned out to be the creepy big lipped shemale which really defeated the whole 'gays are normal people' moral to the story Roseanne was going for. However, it did somehow give me hope that no matter how ugly I got and how much botox I had to use to fix that, there would always be someone out there of some gender who would love me for who I was. But, thanks to the male subserviant characters in the show I was also given a desire to find a mate that I could either tread all over like David, or scream at for an hour like Dan but inevitably always win against.

Yes. I am aware how horrible a person this makes me out to be. But I don't care. Someone thought these characters were good enough to create. And apparently more Americans enjoyed this show per year than there is total people in Australia. Which means that if I have emulated each of them just a tiny little bit, I must not only be humerous, I must also be popular. At least, that's what I'll keep telling myself and my one reader...